Monday, January 11, 2016

Wal-Mart Apocalypse

Preferably, my shadow doesn't darken the evil electric sliding passages of this product peddling pergatory posing as a box-store. However, in the course of an adventurous human's journey, at some point it is inevitable that I will be forced, coerced or otherwise lead under duress and verbal protest into the cold blackened soul of this retail behemoth in support of others who willingly venture forth into the cavernous cacophony of mercantile madness commonly known as Wal-Mart; Wally World for those less cynical than myself.

When this occurs, I go dutifully into the danger alongside my friends and loved-ones if for no other reason than to protect them from the endless lurking, dead-eyed cart jockeys that seem to breed and multiply in number possibly sprouting right up from dank fertile carpets of the apparel department. They seem always be there, never leave this mind-warping vortex no matter what time of day such a macabre census is executed.

It is a duty of love and honor for those who don't know the peril they insist upon chancing. I do it for them. Even though the ones I accompany inside the beast know not the horrors they risk by entering, when they ask, I first offer many safer alternatives for mindless adventure, such as elective skin grafting procedures or 'chuteless sky diving. When the unenlightened refuse either of those less painful options, I inform them of my policy for escort into this bane on society. I explain that with regard to my behavior, I make no promises or guarantees; express, limited or otherwise where entering thst Hell Hole battleground is concerned. Anything is possible and I go for them against my will and better judgement. Because, this is a place where the laws of civilized society seem to not apply, in fact I'm suspicious that most of the vacant bodies seen shuffling through that pit of doom on any particular day are not of human origin or at best undead wanderers staging themselves for the Zombie Apocalypse. 
This is an alert to all my fellow species, for the love of humanity. 
You have been warned.

But, that's just my opinion; I could be wrong.